Caraphernelia

2012-01-12T06:48:00.002+08:00

Seems like everytime you leave me or we stopped talking for some reason, you took some part of me with you. Cause i realized that everytime it happens, i'm left with this huge empty.. void, that i know can't be filled by anyone but you.

This is just pure misery. Sigh.

2012-01-11T06:36:00.000+08:00

Already missing you so much. :(

2012-01-09T02:54:00.004+08:00

It's strange, how things have progressed over the last few months.
I'd expected tragedy, pain, hatred and every single negative thing that you could
ever think of as at this moment right now.
Things hasn't exactly gone the way i want them to initially but..
I wouldn't trade what i have now for anything else in the world.

I was on the brink of letting things go but i changed my mind.
And now i don't even know where this decision will take me to.
But i know for sure that i'm not giving up on us just yet.
I also hope that you will guide me along, down the right path.

It's been 27 days since you came home and i've spent it with you almost everyday.
The one thing that hasn't changed is the way that you could put a smile on my face.
There's no one like you in this world. I'm not sure if i'll ever find another.
There's also no denying the fact that i love you more and more each day.

I've never been a big fan of mush but everytime i see you, i just can't help myself.
I know i'm not perfect and i can be a crazy bitch at times but i mean what i said.
I just hope that you actually realize how much you mean to me.
You were my bestfriend, you still are and you're also my boyfriend, my soulmate.
I'm pretty certain of that.

Everyday with you is never short of something new to talk about, laughters,
silly teasings, hugs and kisses which i adore.
So i really wonder how am i going to survive when you're leaving in 2 days.
The warmth i get around you is just simply... irreplacable.

And so i made plans, huge plans that might just change my life.
This year isn't gonna be JUST another ordinary year.
I wanna make it something for me to remember.
I'm gonna make the best out of every opportunity that comes my way.

After all, i believe it's about time i put my life back on track.
I don't care if the world ends, i just want to be happy.
And that equates to having you in my life, even if you're half a globe away.
I love you daniel.

Gd night peeps.

2011-09-19T21:47:00.002+08:00

And so... This is my 900th post.

I would like to just declare that after being single for so long, i've decided to take a leap forward.
It's finally official and i couldn't be happier, really.

Heh. Have a good week everyone! ;)

2011-09-16T17:30:00.005+08:00

What a week this has been. It's almost over!
Well, considering this is already friday but still..
I think i have one more day of torture to endure.
Yeah, exhausted, physically and mentally due to the lack of rest.

The one thing that keeps me going these days is you.
Yes, only you.

I would, without fail, come home no matter how late just to get a chance to talk to you.
Not hearing from you at all for the day would make me incredibly cranky.
I love waking up to your messages and going to sleep thinking of them.
I had no idea i could feel THAT attached to someone, so addicted.
Despite the fact that we're not even physically close, at all right now.

This might be IT. I don't know but i'm almost certain it is.
I love you.

2011-09-07T22:21:00.005+08:00

Bleh. Here i go again, letting this page go rusty. Anybody missed me?
It's not that i don't wanna blog anymore, but i've just been too busy.
Well, with friends, work of course and that stinkehhhh someone. :)
It's incredible how things are going and for once, i'm really genuinely happy.
For the first time in my life, i feel secure. And i don't doubt that feeling.

Everything's been going smoothly, in all aspects of my life and i am contented.
And you my dear, give me goosebumps whenever i think of you or just a picture.
I haven't had that feeling for someone for the longest time, wow. Smitten, indeed.
I'm glad i took that leap of faith, so come what may. I'm ready to face it.

"It takes a lot of faith to give love and even more faith to let yourself be loved."
- Hayley Willams, Paramore

And with that, i'll end this post for tonight.

I feel blessed to have you back in my life.
And as a major part of me.

I love you D.
:)

2011-08-11T14:14:00.004+08:00

Okay. Experiencing major moodswings right now.
Someone help me before i start destroying things in my path today.
I don't know why i woke up feeling angry and stressed.
Besides the fact that i know i'm going to fail my paper (don't ask),
I can't really pin-point the source of it. Urghhhh.

I hate it when i'm in this state.
I only know myself to be this way when i'm insecure about something.
But what is it? Surely it can't be what i think it is..
Won't that make me extremely petty?
And did i not promise myself never to do it again?

Or maybe i'm just a fucking brat and won't change.
I thought i grew up... But guess not huh?
This is exactly the reason why i've stayed single all along.
To avoid myself from self-destructing all over again.

Sigh. This is not going to be a good day.
And i miss you so damn bad, i wish you were here.

:(((

2011-08-09T22:44:00.002+08:00

It's been a crazy few days. I've had the most minimal sleep.
And i spend most of my time talking to my dinosaur. ;)
Worth losing the sleep for sure and i miss him so damn bad.
I hope he knows that. But gotta make do with what we can now.

He's been on my mind all day long! Pfftt. Thanks to alot of things.
That's been happening around us lately and yesterday i confessed.
More or less told him about how i used to feel about him in the past.
Even before the bfs came along. He deserved to know anyway. :)

And so we chatted about so many things, i dont even know where to start.
But it's definitely all good yawww. Gosh i miss him.
And there i go again.... Bahhhh.

Update soon when i'm not in the i miss you state.
Or ppl will puke reading my posts. Hahaha..

Nights world! :D

2011-08-06T01:15:00.003+08:00

This is the second night that i've been wide awake at this hour.
Sigh, i just can't seem to fall asleep even though i'm so tired.
To say that i have so much on my mind is indeed, an understatement.
Yet i feel the need to blog. Cause i can't find any better source to.

The whirlwind of events that happened the last few days has been overwhelming.
First, danny added me in FB out of the blue after so long that we've not talked.
I can't even remember now what it was really all about, it was so long ago.
But i know i must have been so mad to the extend that i had to just ignore him.

Of course, life hasn't really been the same since then. After all, he was there.
Right from the very start, from all my many heartbreaks and complaints about life.
Always, always there. Guess things got a little out of hand and we just "split".
It's stupid really, considering the great friendship that we had. Why did i do that?

Only when he said he was leaving in a few days time, it hit me real hard.
I tried my best to make up for lost time but sad to say, it was so limited.
The funny thing was, when we met, it was like nothing had ever happened btwn us.
And so we talked about our issues.. among many other things. He wanted answers.

In the end, it just left me very confused. Now that he's gone, i feel lost.
I wished... Okay, no point wishing anyway but yeah i guess i need to think it over.
Still. Perhaps even... take that leap of faith. I don't know just yet.
We'll see how it goes. Or will he forget me easily once he's over there.

Question now is, is this too late to be salvaged?
Should i or should i not...

For now i need to try and sleep.
Nights people.

2011-08-01T23:00:00.003+08:00

It sucks when you have the best intentions at heart but they're mistaken for something negative.
Have they ever stopped to realize that sometimes when i do things, they're always for a reason or WITH reasons?
I have to analyze the situation and figure out the best way to tackle it without offending either party.
How tiring it is to be always wrongly accused and not given a chance to explain yourself?
It's just not fair. I just want things to be done right, and for everyone to be equally happy.
But i guess i've learnt that sometimes no matter how hard you try to keep everyone happy..
You just can't. And that's the way things will always be.

Just wished it could have been different though.

It's true we all make mistakes and that the people we love make mistakes too.
But if that person and the relationship meant alot to you, is it worth it to let it fade away?
The only people i'll never forgive are the ones who cut me the deepest but even that, i believe, will fade over time.
I've also learnt(or trying) to let go of the little little things. It hasn't been easy, for sure.
After all, i am only human with flaws. I realized that it did make me a little less angsty than i used to be.
I had a bad habit of harping on the past but even now when i occasionally rant abt it..
I actually no longer feel the sting of bitterness. It's just a reminder to me, not to repeat my mistakes.

I want to make amends with whoever possible cause honestly, being angry with the world is so draining.
When i think about it, a self-reflection, i contributed to this in some ways or another, sadly.
Maybe it's just a libra thing.. I just don't feel at ease when things turn sour.. I want to fix it.
I just hope it's not too late. And i'm sorry to everyone out there who i've hurt in the past.

Believe me, i never meant to. And it took me a while to figure that out.
My only wish now is just to sincerely make up for all the shit i've done and hope they'll give me a chance to.
I mean, who would we all be without our family and friends? The answer is nothing.

Nights world.

2011-07-25T21:29:00.000+08:00

I can't be there when she leaves. I know i will cry.

2011-07-21T20:36:00.000+08:00

Ok, i want to cry. Me & my itchy fingers again!

2011-07-19T10:08:00.002+08:00

I kinda found this junk, when i was spring-cleaning the pc at work today.
Just some crap i wrote back then. Hahaha. Makes me laugh when i think abt it.

Think it's called, "Turning my back on you(for good)".

From the moment that i met you
I'd already knew what i was getting myself into
Yet i stayed and gave in to my desire
Thrilled by the thoughts of playing with fire

Now i sit here observing your every move
Kinda re-arranging just to fit your groove
Everything i had figured out, became a mess
Always on my toes, never able to rest

I'm turning my back on you baby, for good
Just like i told myself i would
All of your false pretenses are crumbling to the ground
And none of your honesty could be found
So i'm turning my back on you

You've got a knack for lies and stories
Oh, the things you'd do for your own glory
Never did thought you'd get caught
In all your twisted deceits, you fraud

Now tell me, was it nothing but a fixation
Or was i really the object of your affection ?
Damn, you blow it hot and cold
Never knew when the next mystery will unfold

But all i know is,

I'm turning my back on you baby, for good
Just like i told myself i would
All of your false pretenses are crumbling to the ground
And none of your honesty could be found
So i'm turning my back on you

For good, for good..

(Nyeh right? I know. Oh wells, emotions always got the better of me. :P)

2011-07-16T10:56:00.001+08:00

Sezairi Sezali replied to my tweet and made me laugh out loud to myself in the office.
Hee, he's funny and l still love his voice. His style reminds me so much of Mraz. :P

2011-07-12T20:08:00.001+08:00

Just because i'm not interested in getting into any relationships at the moment, that doesn't automatically mean that i'm confused about my sexual orientation, you fools.

Jeez.

2011-07-10T12:05:00.001+08:00

Happy 25th. :)

2011-07-09T12:28:00.002+08:00

No words can describe how much i love my PBGs and how dear they are to me.
But i hope that they know, no matter what, i'll always have their backs.
Every single one of them.

I love you peeps to death! :)))

2011-07-08T16:59:00.003+08:00

Coldplay's "The hardest part", has been stuck in my head all week long.
The song lyrics says it all i suppose? ;)

All in all, i think i've had a really good productive week at work.
Besides the hormones being unbalanced & feeling awfully sick.
Thankfully, i'm recovering & i ain't that cranky much i suppose.
Other than that i finally caught TF, with Skip & had a lovely night.

My brother is away again, this time in Vientiane, Laos.
Hopefully the cubs will do us proud again, i'm sure they will.
I have dinner with my PBGs tonight, and i miss them so.
Looking forward to that & the birthday picnic this sunday!

Tomorrow i shall dedicate my time to work & a jog.
Plus maybe catch up on some sleep. Been so tired lately.

Guess that's it for now.
Cause i'm just actually damn sleepy.
Nights! (Oh it's only 5pm btw. lol)

2011-07-07T22:23:00.000+08:00

My dream is to be a globetrotter. :)

2011-07-06T22:18:00.000+08:00

Honestly, i don't even remember what it's like to be in a relationship. Sad, isn't it?

2011-06-21T01:37:00.003+08:00

Sometimes i wish i could erase all our memories cause that would be the best sane thing to do. But at the same time, call me silly, though it hurts the fuck out of me, i can never never ever bear to part with the memories of you. Because for once in my lifetime, they had been something i truly cherished and probably never learn to let go. It was perfect and i was contented. But then i went and screwed it up. I guess i'll never get over that regret my entire life. If not, why else would i still be the way that i am right now, stuck exactly in the moment of the day i lost you and haven't moved forward since. It's not that i didn't try but maybe subconsciously, it's been holding me back all along. Maybe i've been living in denial all along, choosing to shut them out but we all know how that always ends: me in a mess. me, breaking myself over and over again. it's always been me, destroying everything. maybe i really don't deserve to be happy at all.

I'm not even sure if i'm making sense now.
Nights.

2011-06-20T10:25:00.002+08:00

That random roadtrip yesterday was exactly what i needed.
Mum got me up and asked if i wanted to go, so i went.
Got ready and took the minimal things i needed for the trip.
Phone, mp3, aviators, my long unused G1 and Smok. :)

Sunday was a cool combo of my sister's 20th/Father's Day. Love you both!
Good food along the way and i snapped shots that i was pleased with.
Makes me realize how much i miss photography and the beauty of it.
I think i do need to go out and snap more. I'm beginning to like my cam.
:)

I had alot to think about too during the drive there and whatnots.
I can't lie to myself even if i tried. No one has gotten this close to me.
Yes, they know me physically and what i potray myself as to others.
But never have i dreamt of meeting someone whose mind is similar.

I like to think of myself as someone easy to understand, read & please.
Over the years, i've come to realize that i'm alot more complex than i give myself credit for.
Uhhh, yeah. And to find someone that hits so close to home, is so freaking rare.
I'm not willing to give this up just yet cause i know there WAS something.

If not, you know i wouldn't waste my time and move on there and then.
Sigh. So.. I guess the only thing left to do is just to wait?
I'm so distracted right now, a million thoughts running through my head.
I think i'll continue bloggimg when my mind's not so tangled up.

Have a good monday people.

2011-06-16T11:42:00.002+08:00

I can't seem to get this restless feeling to go away.
I tried distractions, shutting out, just blanking it out.
But at the end of the day, it comes back to haunt me.
What the fuck is it about you that makes me so emotionally unbalanced?
I haven't even known you that long but yet i feel so attached to you.
Without even any kind of relation to bind us together.

Maybe i'm just foolish for letting my guard down too easily.
But i swear this time, never again. For now, i need to pull through.
I feel so drained and jaded. Is this still my karma coming back at me?
I tried so hard to make up for it for the last few years, i swear i did.
Guess it wasn't enough to repay all the bad deeds i did in the past huh?

Even running and swimming isn't helping to clear my mind.
Despite the fact that it has always been the only thing that seemed to work.
What? Need to find new methods to cure this insane moodswings?
God, i feel like i've tripped and fell so hard face down into the mud.
And i can't seem to find a way to get back on my feet.

Please guide me and grant me the patience to persevere.
That's all i ask for.

2011-06-14T12:41:00.003+08:00

And so.. I found the answers that i was looking for.
Don't ask me how or why but i do know that i will let it go.
I can't compare to your history and that i understand what it feels like to be in your shoes.
I can only just wish you the best now and pray for your happiness.

It's been a pleasure knowing you.
Take care now. :)

2011-06-14T00:24:00.003+08:00

I miss him.
I really really really do.
From the mindless rantings or teasing banter to the cheesy lame jokes to the we geniuses think alike moments to deep heartfelt conversations to the gangsterspeak minah/mat and everything else random in between.
I just miss that friendship. Those "twin thinking" moments.
Or silly stories about our childhood and our mischievious deeds in the past.

Were you just too freaked out by how similar we were?
Or you just think i'm one of the normal ppl you meet, not worth knowing?
I wish someone could enlighten me, for he is all i think about, day and night.
Losing a friendship that meant alot was a like a painful blow for me.
Especially if you don't even know the cause of it.

Why oh why. I'm miserable enough as it is.
Every time i try to clean up my act, i get shits in return.
Sigh.

Another emo ranting for another night.
Cheers.

2011-06-13T13:05:00.003+08:00

It's really great that i have a blog.
An outlet to vent is what i need.
Helps me to manage my emotions better.
And when i read back my entries..
I can tell if i was being rational or emotional.
If there was any validity to the cause of my upset.

If that even makes sense?
Oh wells. Happy monday yawww.

2011-06-13T07:07:00.002+08:00

This is so bloody annoying. 3 days in a row.
I didn't hear my alarm and overslept my ass off.
Favour ah, am i so exhausted to that point?
Okay, i know i had very little to rest the last week but still.
Bankrupt sia everyday take cab!!! No money liao.

Maybe i should leave work early today and catch up on sleep.
Considering the fact that i might have waffles & ayie dates.
Oh, plus dheel's farewell too this coming friday.
I am so gonna miss him, that no eyes boy of mine.
:(((

With school on thurs and closing on sat, i'm full for the wk.
Cause sun's the sis 20th and prolly gonna do dinner with the fam.
I have no idea what to get for her though. Hmm.
And i still have Sya & Mai's bday coming up.
Hoping the plans gonna go as worked out.

I foresee a very busy mth full of meet-ups.
Which also reminds me, i met hudddds last fri.
Over at Ehub & it was nice, haven't seen her for ages!
The family chalet i had over the weekend was pretty awesome too.

Can't wait for more family time. I miss Changi.
And our stargazing/bitching sessions every friday.
It's about time i go watch my favourite planes as well.
Okay, reaching work and awfully sleepy. Crap.

Til next time!

2011-06-12T01:51:00.001+08:00

Trying my best not to think about you.

2011-06-11T09:29:00.001+08:00

The term anal retentive (also anally retentive), commonly abbreviated to anal,[1] is used conversationally to describe a person who pays such attention to detail that the obsession becomes an annoyance to others, and can be carried out to the detriment of the anal-retentive person. The term derives from Freudian psychoanalysis.

Source: Wikipedia

Something i discovered about myself that i never really thought it was a real problem until it started annoying the shit out of me.
Simply put: I have some OCD issues.

Has its pros and cons yawww.
Have a good saturday people!

2011-06-10T10:29:00.003+08:00

You know what's the best thing about songs?
At times when you're down and you come across something you can relate to?
It's comforting to know that someone out there knows what it feels like.
Someone who went through the same things you did.

At least you know you're not alone.
And this is exactly why music is so incredible.
Its power to reach you deep within your soul.
Sometimes makes you forget your pain for just a little while.

That's sometimes enough and keeps pushing you to go on.
What's life without a couple of bullshits coming your way eh?
:)

2011-06-10T07:42:00.003+08:00

His words gave me a "wake up" call last night.
Someone questioned him, "what are you working so hard for?"
"who are you working so hard for?" and that stumped me.
I guess i can relate to the feeling he explained to me.

That emptiness, void that needs to be filled.
It's finally getting to him. And i understand why.
Anyhow we had a good chat at the railway.
I'll always have your back, cause after all we've been through..
Yeah, you know i would. :)

Late for work today.
Laters.

2011-06-09T20:24:00.000+08:00

Everything is more complicated than you think. You only see a tenth of what is true. There are a million little strings attached to every choice you make; you can destroy your life every time you choose. But maybe you won't know for twenty years. And you may never ever trace it to its source. And you only get one chance to play it out. Just try and figure out your own divorce.

And they say there is no fate, but there is: it's what you create. And even though the world goes on for eons and eons, you are only here for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born.

But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years, for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to but it doesn't really.

And so you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope that something good will come along. Something to make you feel connected, something to make you feel whole, something to make you feel loved.

And the truth is I feel so angry, and the truth is I feel so fucking sad, and the truth is I've felt so fucking hurt for so fucking long and for just as long I've been pretending I'm OK, just to get along, just for, I don't know why, maybe because no one wants to hear about my misery, because they have their own.

2011-06-09T10:19:00.004+08:00

I know it meant nothing to you but, it meant a great deal to me.

Sometimes, it isn't the duration of time spent on that person but how much emotions were invested within that period of time.

But i still don't know why i led myself into this situation, when i somehow already knew. Sigh.

2011-06-09T00:26:00.001+08:00

Tell me why it hurts.

2011-06-08T09:36:00.002+08:00

What if i can't forget you?
I'll burn your name into my throat
I'll be the fire that'll catch you
What's so good about picking up the pieces?
What if i don't even want to..

- Caraphernelia: A broken heart disease whenever someone leaves you but leaves all their things behind.

PTV, come to SG please.
I really really wanna hear Vic sing this song live.

2011-06-07T13:34:00.000+08:00

I hate coming here. All my friends have left this place.
So what am i still doing here?

2011-06-06T23:58:00.002+08:00

I'd tried to blog earlier but as it turns out, my internet usb is broken again, thanks to my brother.
So here i am, trying to figure out if i can blog through my iphone cause let's face the facts:
I'm desperate to let my thoughts out. I think i've kept it in for long now.
I'm beginning to feel lost, which is a feeling i know oh-so-well and loathe.

I mean, why wouldn't i hate myself? I'll be completely mopey and a whiny prat, at that.
In the end, the one feeling tortured is yours truly but yet i can't control myself from being so.
Makes me wonder why he has that much of an impact on me though we barely even got anywhere.
Or had a chance to. Just left me wondering where it went wrong? i swear i don't know.

Cause i was pretty sure of how things were gonna turn out after that day.
Usually my intuition is never wrong, but i guess there's a first time for everything?
God, if only you knew how miserable i've been the last couple of weeks.
But i always have to put on a smile for everyone. It drains me sometimes.

The most painful thing is that no one realized how bad this is affecting me.
If only they knew.

I've been making changes and improving myself with hopes that i'd find what i've been missing.
That sense of fulfillment. Only time will tell.

Good night. :(

2011-04-27T14:58:00.003+08:00

I spent the half of the day wasted, being angry with a bunch of idiots.

It frustrates me to no end how some people just can't put themselves in other ppl's shoes and try to actually UNDERSTAND the seriousness of the situation.

Like i'm sure having a good time at home, doing nothing eh? Cb.

I nearly died from that accident, and what did you ppl care abt again?

Unfinished work? Like you've got to be fucking kidding me?

I should hit you with a fucking car and let you know how it feels like.

You try anything funny with me tmr and i'll fucking bite your head off.

Bitches.

I have to get the fuck out of there soon.

April has been a mix of alot of crazy things and i can't wait for it to be over.

Please May, be nicer to me. :/

I'll post about the trip next time, i'm still in my moodswings.

Ciao.

2011-04-13T21:20:00.004+08:00

Aren't we cranky today, dear lappy?
C'mon, behave yourself now.
Cause i am in the mood to blog.
:)

Despite my exhaustion from running and kb earlier, i still do wanna update.

Like what's been up with me since the last time i wrote in. (Duh, right?)

Which, i can't remember when, by the way. Failing memory.

I am indeed, getting old yawww. Vintage? Yes, i am. Hahaha..

My Tristan Park trip screwed up a little bit here and there for the first time.

The boats, hotel but the company was without a doubt, absolutely awesome.

There were TEN of us this time round & it was a hell lot of fun all the way.

And yeappp, we each flew off our bikes with different styles but..

I think the award should go to our Ms Lina for the Grand Finale.

She rode her way without a hassle until she decided to ramp the lampost.

Right... before our last turn. Hahaha.. Saving the best for the last, eh?

:P Seafood was oh-so-yummy & then came charades? Just fuckin' hilarious!

God, they for hell sure came up with words to make each other look like idiots!

I went to bed with an orchestra of snores & a huge moronic smile on my face.

What is it about you anyway? That keeps me feeling like a fool. Hmmmm.

I for sure ain't complaining but i'd better do something about it soon.

You make me wonder of "what ifs" too much. So better get it over and done.

Hopefully, in the nearing week to come? Stupid tight schedule. Hmmpf!

By the way, i have a pretty ugly bruise on my left calf. Its purplish black now.

Please go away soon? I hate having to wear skirts to work everyday.

It's so uncomfortable! But i have no choice for now, to avoid abrasion.

That's a first for me too. I've never never ever fallen off a bike in my entire life.

As a rider or a pillion. The only accident i've ever had was in a car. :/

(That sounded so wrong, by the way. Why should i even be surprised?)

Oh wells, i do hope the rest of them are recovering well.

The chinese funeral below is so distracting! And i don't know if i should whatsapp.

Or.. maybe not tonight. I should be getting to sleep early cause the next 2 days?

Gonna be looooooooooong freaking nights at work, yet again of course.

Mid-months, for the last 5 years has been nothing but hectic! Will it ever change?

Sigh.

This is a random thought. I came across her profile and saw her captions.

Really makes me wonder. How can he ever live with that lie? There was only her?

I felt disturbed by it. I know i did the right thing but i pity her somewhat.

Or did she know and chose to stay ignorant? Doesn't it hurt either way?

Sometimes it makes me so upset like how he can get away with things so easily.

What? Do you sweet talk your way out of this one too.. What happened to karma?

Got stuck in a jam eh?

I'm already serving mine. So where's yours?

I guess its only a matter of time. I'm not gonna play the game anymore.

I've had enough and there's only so much i can take before my limit breaks.

That was the final straw i guess & i sincerely hope we never cross paths again.

"Breakeven" has been on repeat lately cause it always reminds me of you.

Oh, The Script was amazing last night! D, M & G. Much much love.

Me & my girls were happy babes last night. Especially the last 2 songs.

I realized that their songs are simple but lyrics are so meaningful.

Sinks deep into my soul and i can pretty much relate to their songwriting.

Beautiful. Thank you for the lovely night! I actually teared during the last one.

And yeap, that's pretty much it this time.

Another boring, draggy entry for another day.

See ya later, alligator.

Ps: Was our singing that bad ? Cause it hasn't stopped raining for a few days now.

Coincidentally since our last karaoke session on sunday. Hmmmm. :/

2011-04-06T20:20:00.004+08:00

And so, i ended up not going for my KB class today since there was some changes.

Well, to "Project A" as my cousin calls it. Didn't bring my shoes so i head on home.

Felt pretty restless doing nothing in the house, decided to go for a short run.

It was still slightly drizzling out so dad suggested that i run around the 'hood.

Instead of the usual tracks i'm used to. Felt a bit weird at first but i ignored.

It was dead exhausting as i discovered today that the hood, has damn uphills.

And so i pushed to my limits until i felt i had enough. Still sweating like a pig now.

Erm.. Still lying on my living room floor and don't even ask what i'm doing there.

I'm comfortable where i am, thankyouverymuch. But no running here, for me again!

Long week it has been would have a complete understatement as compared to,

What it actually felt like? I don't think even words could describe how it went by.

I only know that i've been incredibly depressed, moody, jaded & paranoid(somewhat?).

For no apparent reason, really.

The wonders of PMS, don't you think?

Yes, i'm sure you can detect the sarcasm in my words. :)

Just two more days to go and i'd be venting my frustrations on brapp brapp brapp.

Can't wait for Tristan Park yet again! The thought of bikes plus seafood combo..

Awesomeness personified! It's my new favourite phrase of the week. :)))

Well, i know i shouldn't feel too excited so early but i really feel good about this one.

Yet at the same, i'm scared. I'm not sure if i'm ready to go out there and fight again.

I just don't understand either. It's like i want it but i don't. Ahhh, fickleness.

Maybe i've been thinking about it too much? (Actually i KNOW i have)

You know, the whole over-analyzing about every situation & its uhhh..

Possible consequences for every actions taken and stuffs like that i suppose.

I'm getting paranoid again, aren't i ? I'm always garbling nonsense these days.

Too much in my head, but not things that i wanna share with people i guess.

Some things... are just meant to be kept to yourself i guess.

I do hope things will turn out great? I can hope, can i? :/

Not too much to ask for right?

Well, til the next garbles then, have a good night!

2011-04-01T22:00:00.006+08:00

Is it just me or is everything just not co-operating with me today?

The dvd won't play, let alone pop open & internet's annoyingly slow.

And i have THAT much patience for a friday night, which i thought i could enjoy.

Though i am starting to feel the migraine creeping up on me yet again.

Guess it must have been the lack of sleep last night.

I should have been able to sleep soundly like i normally do (by soundly i mean, dead).

Considering the fact that i've had a pretty good week in all.

I had little to worry about (except for my piling workload while i was away).

To sum it up in the simplest of words:

The mind-altering course i attended which made me question many things.

About my job, my life. If this was something i wanted to do for the rest of my life.

I knew the answer to those questions but am i willing to take the leap one day?

Will i ever step out of my comfort zone? In other aspects of my life, i have.

I'm just not sure.. about this one just yet. I need more time to think about it.

Of course, just 3 short days in the office.. What more could i ask for, right?

Plus awesome conversations that kept me smiling to myself all day.

It reminds me of the time when.. well, you know what it is. I won't mention it.

:)))

Anyhows, i tossed and turned til abt 4 ish or 5 before i finally shut my heavy eyes.

It was incredibly frustrating to NOT be able to sleep despite feeling dead beat.

Surprisingly, i managed to do my work today without feeling lethargic, like always.

And.. I wonder if there was something that's really bugging me subconsciously.

Not going to dwell on that though. I realized how much i miss blogging.

Maybe all those vented-up emotions were taking its toll on me, slowly.

I kind of sidetracked far from what i'd actually came to here to blog about.

Hahaha.. Can't be helped i suppose. I get distracted pretty easily. Like a cat.

Meowww~

Now let's get to the SERIOUS part.

The topic that i seem to be hearing about everywhere i go: Engagements/Weddings.

The main issue: All my crazy dysfunctional relatives trying to outdo each other.

Those who mistake say, engagements for weddings & made it such a big hoo-hah.

Like who did better than who. Who spent more/has more money & whatnots.

Who had the bigger/expensive/nicer ring. Seriously, people?

You know what i think?

YOU NEED TO GET A LIFE.

Of course i am happy to see them settling down but to compete with each other?

I find it completely ridiculous. This is not some game we're playing hor.

What do you gain out of "winning" anyway? Temporary satisfaction?

Of the fact that for once you managed to "beat" us at something? Is it even worth it?

When you could actually be using that time for something more productive?

Really makes you ponder about how true people's heart are sometimes.

They may look sincere to you but in fact, they are the ones with the blackest heart.

Scary, isn't it ? When you think people are trying help but in fact, it's the opposite.

Maybe they enjoy the misery that you suffered more than you realize.

Their greed & envy.. will drive them to do the most unimaginable things.

That's just.. a sick thought. I really hope i won't turn out like that.

For now, i'm just currently enjoying taking a ride in the backseat.

And observing the antics of these people, and hoping that i won't get caught up.

Pretty much sure it's going to get out of hand once you fall too deep into it.

I think its time i catch up on that sleep, i might wanna work full day tmr.

Taking life easy day by day. That's the motto for now.

Cheers. Oh by the way, happy birthday monster.

You've been missed, for sure. Nights worlds.

2011-03-31T23:07:00.004+08:00

I realized i've neglecting this space more than i should.

It used to a place where i often came to share my thoughts, joy, sadness.

Dealing with the insanity that life throws at me, day by day.

I'm surprised that i've managed to survive the hits, given my state.

I'm trying to find a comfortable spot to type but can't seem to find it yet.

Or maybe.. i'm just too distracted by the Whatsapp messages on my phone.

:P Okay, focus ain. Let me try to find and get in "The Zone". Hmmm.

Anyway, i've always been the melodramatic like how daniel used to say to me.

What's life without some drama, eh? Empty, monotonous, blank.

Well, that's for me. I need something to stimulate these brain cells.

Do things in life with more passion and vigour, no? :)

I can't believe its going to be April already tmr. What have i done the last 3mths?

Have i achieved anything? Completed something i wanted, for just once?

Unfortunately, i can't think of a single one right now, which is kinda sad.

And Adele's "Someone like you" been stuck on replay in my head lately.

I don't even know where to begin on how much of a whirlwind my life has been.

Gotten involved with so many wrong people along the way.

Mistaking friendship, lust, compassion, adoration and sympathy for love.

It certainly has made me grown wiser over the years.

There's still a hole in my heart that's kind of taking a long time to heal.

Insyallah, one day. People come and go in your life once they've fulfilled their part.

I've had many of those and it has been nothing but heartbreaking.

But sometimes, when you have to let go, you just do.. you know?

So, i've left the people who i thought i was going to destroy me in the end,

Instead of making me a better person, despite the memories we shared.

At first i thought i couldn't do without them but i learned to eventually.

I realized that i could do SO much better than settling for second best.

I think i deserve the best, at the very least.

Don't all of us? :)

2011-02-06T05:10:00.003+08:00

What do you do when you can't sleep?

You blog.

Well, i'm finally back from my holidays and i'm still adjusting.

I can't sleep properly in my own bed but i'm trying i guess.

Guess i got used to the comfort of a hotel room over the past week?

I very much enjoyed my family holiday trip to KL/Genting.

And it was incredibly satisfying to let my family get whatever they wanted.

That was what i promised and that was what i delivered.

An all expense trip paid by me, and i thought it was about time i gave back.

The Bali trip was memorable in so many ways. Well, so many things happened.

While i was away that is, and also on that very same date, 1st February.

Makes me wonder if everyone is punking me or God just thinks he's funny.

Ok, maybe not. But yeah, i had alot to ponder but i knew i had to stay strong.

Times are suddenly rough for my family, and my dearest friends.

I'm just doing the best i can to help salvage whatever's left of the situation.

I hope they stay strong and that they know that i'm always always there.

Of course, to add on.. popsicles texted me one day out of the blue.

3 fucking months later and asking me so many questions. Why now?

But of course, it was like as if nothing happened in between...

And no, it doesn't mean anything to me anymore but i need to tell him.

Tell him everything that i've kept to myself over the last few months.

And so, i did. Feel much much better after all the sarcasm released.

LOL.

Today's asrul 25th birthday by the way and also, happy 2yrs popsicles. :)

It's been pretty much a fair mix of pleasure and pain getting to know you.

But i never did once regret. The next closest thing to the best. Yep.

Oh, i'm planning my next holiday destinations.

Yes, destination (s).

And whoever said being single was sucky?

It's so much more fulfilling than being someone's 2nd hand, no?

Ooops. Whatever that meant, nights world!

2011-01-27T01:00:00.000+08:00

My favourite picture of the moment. :)

2011-01-27T00:58:00.002+08:00

Can't wait for my holiday~

I just want to put my troubles behind me & enjoy my 2 trips.

One with the fam, the other with the gf.

Yay! Hope i'll survive the week though. Next payday is sooooo long!

Til next time~

2011-01-16T16:02:00.002+08:00

Broke and miserable.

Two of the worst to make a deadly combination.

I'm sick, tired and feeling absolutely depressed.

I've never been calculative when it comes to money.

If i have it, i wouldn't hesitate to spend or share on friends/family.

What makes me sad is that when they are that way towards me.

Doesn't everything i've done at least count for something?

I'm not even asking for much, geez. Give me a little bit more face, will ya?

I'm not exactly the richest person on this earth, you know.

I get by how i do, day by day and sometimes it ain't fucking easy.

Even if i don't eat, would you know? Would you care?

Of course you don't, cause you won't bother to ask.

And i.. just can't be bothered to bring it up either anymore.

You should know it yourself. For now, i'm done talking.

Back to bed.

Fuck this sickness and fml.

2011-01-09T03:22:00.003+08:00

I hate nights like these where i can't sleep. Too much on my mind today.

It's been a week since we stepped into 2011, and i can't say much has changed.

Today was hellish as i had to endure hours of being locked away in my room.

I know i should have done something but this is already out of control.

I can do nothing now but just to pray for everything to work itself out.

I kept myself distracted with the one thing i knew would work for sure:

Ed Westwick/Chuck Bass. And yes, as silly as it sounds, that's true.

Countless hours of that accent and still, how can i ever get enough of you?

The only thing within my grasp now are the promises i made to myself.

Nobody has to know what they are but i intend to live it up, just for me.

People will still judge me and see me from another perspective, but that's okay.

As long as i know that i'm changing, that's already good enough.

I'm just trying not to lose faith but i know i've always been the hard-headed one.

"Stick and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me."

I've always lived by that quote and i don't intend to stop either.

And for those who've been by my side and never stopped believing in me, thank you.

Good night world, hope your week has been better than mine.

Cheers.

2010-12-31T01:38:00.001+08:00

Do they even sell these kinds here.. Love the blue!

2010-12-31T01:36:00.000+08:00

Sighhh. My love for shoes is insatiable...

2010-12-31T01:23:00.001+08:00

Where do i find this? Nice!

2010-12-31T01:12:00.002+08:00

Great Ocean Road. 12 Apostles. I.want.to.go.

2010-12-31T00:48:00.004+08:00

Ahhh. My 850th post.

Nice number to end the year with, don't you think?

It's been a weird year, really good and bad in so many ways.

I've met so many people that changed me, who taught me lessons in life.

I've come to realize the friends that i know who would stick by me thick and thin.

I've had heartbreaks, broken friendships that probably wasn't meant to be mended..

I don't know really, i guess only time will tell huh? Or maybe not. LOL.

Kinda lazy to date around like i used to till i got labelled the serial dater.

Bahh. Guess they don't understand that what i needed was just companionship.

A good conversation goes a long way, you know and bonds you closer to each other.

I'm finally getting some inspiration to blog properly instead of sounding like a mope.

Yeap, a completely mopey mope that sounds so depressing all the time. Hahaha..

It was just... a phase that i'm going through. Happens to everyone, doesn't it?

Right.... right?!

Okay, who cares.

Point being, i think this bowler hat i'm wearing since just now is giving me inspiration.

Ahhhh, my thinking hat perhaps! But the bowl-ey kind. Hahhahaha.. Okay, crapping.

And i'm trying to ignore the throbbing pain of my swollen ribs, which i'm clueless..

As to how i got it in the first place! Geez. Even staying at home in bed is hazardous.

Oh fuck, i haven't packed. And i don't have shoes. Shit, i should have bought shoes.

I wrote a new song about you, just to get things off my chest. Maybe that's why.

I mean, i felt better after letting that jumble of emotions out. And i left it at work. Pfftt.

This is the most random ramblings of entries, ever. I'm just typing what comes to mind.

I'm gonna be out of here for the first time during the New Year.

Let's hope this mini trip brings me something new to discover.

Today, i'm flushing everything outta my system for good.

Thank you 2010, you've been great.

Hello 2011!

:DDD

2010-12-07T23:48:00.002+08:00

Why do i get the feeling that the tables have turned on me now?

And that i'm going through the same things he had to.

The pain, the loneliness, the desperation, its just all falling apart.

I don't know who i am anymore.

I party my nights away to drown my sorrows, to put on a charade for my friends.

Make everyone think that i'm happier than i'll ever be.. I keep myself busy.

Most days i make it through but its the nights that are the hardest to overcome.

Why is it when i see you, pictures of you, memories of you, i break?

Why do you still mean so much when i don't mean a thing to you anymore?

Why didn't i fight for you, when i had the chance?

Why did you give up on me...

God, the pms moodswings are getting to me.

And i feel like i'm going crazy. I don't have anyone to talk to.

Not someone who i feel will understand.. or maybe im just too tired to think.

I thought keeping it all in, like i always do, would be the answer.

Why was i such a fool...

2010-12-07T23:41:00.001+08:00

Love Led Me To You

Such a cold morning greeted me
Such a lonely evening i'd been through

Last night..
I had been feeling all so down
When I realise you're not around
I cried..

Its tough to go on
Without you by my side
When I need you the most to
Take away this pain inside

Every night i see your face
You came to me in my dreams

I miss you so...
How much more can i endure

Being without you i juz cant

I closed my eyes and pray
That you'll be back here someday

Back here with me,
With me once again..

*I guess now i truly understood what this song meant.. :(

2010-12-05T01:24:00.002+08:00

Pardon the emotional outburst on the last entry.

Happens at times, i suppose. *shrugs*

I pretty much don't keep track of things going on these days.

As long as everyone i know & love are happy, i'm good as well.

:)))

I've been asleep the whole of today. Guess i'm so freaking tired.

It's my brother's 21st but.. I'm gonna have to postpone the gift til slightly later..

You know why. lol.

I was out and about again last night, attica then to chinaone.

It was loved! Thank you sweetheart!

I can't think of what to blog right now cause i'm kinda sleepy again.

Ah shit, nights!

2010-10-22T22:02:00.004+08:00

I had a talk with my uncle yesterday and that lead to these thoughts.

Despite everything and its been more than a year we've been apart, there's never gonna be anyone taking over your place in my heart. You were my first love and that, i'll never forget. You may hate me now and you may never want to see me again but.. i just want you to know that i miss you still, syammie. I really, really do. You were my everything, the best i ever had.. I won't deny that. I've already moved on from what we had but our memories still remains. We had too many memories. I didn't forget your birthday, the anniversaries, the soft toys, the flowers, everything single thing. I know you're happy now so i'd accept any kind of distance you needed from me. I understand. I'm hoping it'll fade in time for me. Even if you will never know all this, it doesn't matter. I just wanted to let it out. I've been keeping it in for too long. I've said nothing but the honest truth. I feel so much better now.

Heading out for some drinks.

Laters.

2010-10-07T23:10:00.002+08:00

This made me giggle like you wouldn't believe.

2010-10-07T01:05:00.001+08:00

I wanted this for my birthday but, gotta have to wait!

2010-10-07T00:43:00.000+08:00

I WANT.

2010-10-07T00:15:00.003+08:00

i really miss you right now hun. :(((

2010-10-07T00:04:00.003+08:00

Belated with my loves. Thank you for the lovely night out. :)

2010-10-06T23:33:00.001+08:00

2010 with my ITE peeps. Full squad, love the jalan raya this year!

2010-10-06T23:21:00.003+08:00

Snippets of raya with the PBGs/Mine & lina's celeb. Hee.

After a loooooooooong day, at the last house: Lina's !

2010-10-01T18:42:00.002+08:00

I turned 24 a couple of days ago on the 27th.

Lotsa lovely wishes from all forms of communication, thank you.

That week was pretty awesome, my birthday started from the 24th. LOL.

Now i keep having migraines and bodyaches, due to the lack of much needed rest.

But i dont mind... I feel that this is my happiest birthday, surrounded by ppl dear to me.

That's all that matters to me. :)

The one person that i was expecting a wish from, DID text me when i thought he forgot...

Though it was far from what i'd imagine, cuz i knew i was okay with JUST a simple wish.

It pretty much caught me by somewhat a bittersweet surprise.

"Happy birthday ms dimpledoll.. may god bestow upon u happiness, and a peace of mind. :) i love you." - AG, 0046hrs, 27 september 2010

Without another second wasted, tears rolled down my face endlessly.

For what it's worth, you know i love you too. And i always will.

I promise.

Syawla evol.

2010-09-12T22:46:00.004+08:00

Sigh.

You know how i always sound so angry whenever i post any entries here?
Which is why i hate updating my blog. I vent too many unwanted things here.

The thing is, i sometimes dont understand why people have to keep living in the past.
I already chose to forgive the crappy things ppl do to me, though i may never forget.
And i just wish that they could do the same for me. I'm not asking for much, am i?
Why can't you just remember all the good things that i actually did for you and cherish that?
Just because i messed up a few times and yeah, i was a confused bitch in so many ways.
That doesnt mean you have to take it out on me forever. It's not fair.
You have your own share of flaws. And i dont judge you anymore on that.
I just leave you to do what you want. We're all adults now.
I'm sure we can differentiate whats wrong and whats right.

Now i have to resort to blocking and deleting to keep the peace around here.
And i have to deal with ppl deleting and blocking me for their own satisfaction.
If i was causing such a mess for your life, then i'd understand why you did what you did.
But now i'm quietly living my life and yet, that's still a major problem somehow.

I just dont know what to do anymore. Seriously.

2010-09-12T22:41:00.000+08:00

Today's the 3rd day. Selamat hari raya everyone! :)

2010-09-12T22:35:00.002+08:00

you and your loser friends are not worth my time.
please fucking leave me alone. i dont want you in my life.
or any of your pretending fuckers of a friend around me.
you're a loser and you'll always be one. get over it. im done.

2010-09-05T16:23:00.002+08:00

you disgust me. how about you think abt the fucked up things you're doing now before you start talking abt other people ? tsk tsk tsk, shame on you. at least i'm making amends for all the fucked up things i've done and i'm changing. cant say the same for you, can i ? seeing you that day still makes me feel fucked up. i can't wait for the day its finally over. i'm going to do nothing but pray the best for you. goodbye.

2010-08-21T17:18:00.002+08:00

I posted alot of stuffs but apparently blogger fucking sucks.
Didn't even save my drafts at all. STUPID.

To sum it up:

I fucking miss arjuna, my mr popsicles. :(((

I keep thinking of him and it sucks.
To have something that feels so real.
But in the end, its not yours to keep.
Over and done with so lets quit sulking and move on.

Sushi dinner with lina <3 & Canele with PBGs was great.
The crepes & pizza were fucking awesome. To die for! :D

And i miss aussie. yet again. And oh, i'm back to mort & skipper land.
I actually couldnt be happier for that friendship. :)

That's about it cause i'm lazy to blog further.

Gotta get ready for dinner with the fam. Hee.

Ps: Happy 24th birthday cuz, thanks for calling me old.
Now you're officially older than me! *Sticks out tongue*

Have a good weekend y'all.
I know i will. :)

2010-08-18T00:07:00.002+08:00

Awesome weekend i've had. :)

Thursday was just supposed to be iftar with kiki & qie.
While waiting for fiq to book out & then suddenly the PBGs appeared.
Hahhaah.. One of the most random nights ever.

Friday ended up dinnering with the provost clan at cck park.
Then movie & pool for us. Airbender was pretty good & i'm rusty at pool!

Saturday was Amirah's grill with the PBGs for Fio's birthday.
Geylang, ECP. Gosh, simply put we were just eating like pigs.
Heheheh.

Sunday was dinnering with the fam at makanshiok then desert with ayu.
Crepes @ Fig & Olive broooo. Yummmmmmy. :D

Monday was FINALLY meeting up with Fyzah & Yaya.
I'm so glad to finally catch up with the both of you.
F.I.S.H was on the menu & so was starbucks.
Time was too short though, we need to meet again soon!

I've been out almost everyday, as you can see.
Hahhaha. Too lazy to write in detail but you get the picture.
More iftars coming up, cant wait!

=))))

2010-08-17T23:59:00.000+08:00

I CANT LOG IN TO TUMBLR.

WHY OH WHYYYYY?

=(((

2010-08-11T22:58:00.001+08:00

One last post for the night.

Happy 24th birthday my dear sabby.
I effin miss you!
May you have a blessed one this yr.

:)

2010-08-11T22:53:00.000+08:00

My Wicked Escape with Darl. Eh, i can tie my hair already! :DDD

2010-08-11T22:48:00.000+08:00

This puts a smile on my face. :P

2010-08-11T22:46:00.000+08:00

PBGs go ol'skool.

2010-08-11T22:41:00.002+08:00

This was my favourite picture. We were teasing each other abt something. :)

2010-08-11T22:26:00.002+08:00

Trying to read a 14yr old's blog is like trying to find my way out of a freaking maze.
My god, mindfucked much ? What kind of language are they using these days?!
I swear i dont understand a single word, like reading a whole buncha gibberish.
Well, thats not the reason why i'm here. I think i should pay more attention to this space.

I just havent felt a need to express any words plus i'm always not at home so..
That dont leave me with much chances for me to update here. I'm so sleepy now.

I survived the first day and i'm so happy. It wasnt difficult like i'd expected.
Fasting never really been an issue for me and i'm glad to fast as many days as i can..
BUT, i've been in the PBG mode the last few months, eating every few hours..
So i was kinda doubting my ability to go through this phase but thank god, its all good.

Tmr's probably meeting up with babyboy for dinner at JP with the PBGs (yes/no?).
Friday gonna do dinner and movie with the provost clan. Or am i gonna work late?
I havent really decided yet. Hmm. I know for sure saturday we're all meeting up.
I actually miss them already! For fio's birthday celebration/breaking fast together.

He texted me this morning and it took me 2hrs to finally decide to reply back.
But i wasnt expecting an answer from him so yeah, i just wish he would go..
If hes gonna keep coming back every once in awhile and when november hits me,
I'm gonna be the one to die. Thats without a doubt. I dont plan to stay here when its time.

For now, i should get to bed. If i get on fb, then i'm gonna chat to the usuals.....
.... And there goes my sleep. I'm trying hard to survive without the coffee.

Ok, good night world. :)

2010-08-11T00:20:00.002+08:00

I swear some people are just completely crazy and paranoid for no damn fucking reason.
I can be here, just minding my own freaking business but everyone seems to think of crap.
Like how they think my life only revolved around them and oh yes, i super stalk you for sure.
I want nothing but to see you miserable because i'm just as crazy and paranoid as you are.

For god's sake, fucking grow up. Its not like as if everything that i do was meant for you.
I don't go around plotting, telling people my sob story and gee, gossip 24/7 abt other ppl.
I spend my time working, with my friends, chilling and it makes me happy doing just that.
So what is the problem with that picture now ? Why cant you just see me happy ?

I just dont get it. If i was going around being such a bitch about things, i can understand.
But when i'm here doing NOTHING, then FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE. Seriously!

What else is there for me to ask for ?
Just peace, dammit. Is it that hard ?

2010-08-01T23:56:00.003+08:00

I just realized that i havent blogged in here for awhile..
I'm trying to avoid tumblr cause i know he will read my entries there.
Yes, i ended things for good with him and i'm feeling the freakin effects.
Its something i dont want him to know even though i love him so.
But what other options do i have now right ? I know im doing the right thing.
I feel like shit and am doing everything in my power to forget.
Memories of you and me are too strong to let go. It was real.
But the timing that we met couldnt have been more wrong.

Sigh.

Lets move on to a lighter topic.

Friday night was spent with my PBGs with movie and dinner.
Food was gooood and the movie was awesome! Nana thai & Inception.
I was with lina most of the time and everyone was trying to get in between.
I'm sorry but whenever shes around, my LT urges just comes naturally people.
Hahahha.. We were done by 4 and we were all screwed sia, cause have to wake up at 6.

Pengerang trip. :)

Yes, we made another trip down to Tristan Park and we had so much fun !
Made new friends in anna & fida, they were very very cool. Staycation next !
Trail was damn freaking muddy and slippery that i came back fully decorated.
Hurhur. When i get stressed thinking about him, i throttled faster and it helps.
I was fully concentrated and gosh, i can never get enough of the adrenalin rush.

The hotel we stayed in looks pretty tacky from the outside but woahh...
Looks can be deceiving bro! As i quote from kiki, "super big pangkeng room".
HAHHAHA.. And of course, the weekend was full of bimbotic blunders.
I think we all spend too much time with syira and jangkit from her liao.

:P

Seafood was yummmeh and then we played card games sampai tertido.
Well, only me lor. Cause i finished first and when i slept and woke up some time later..
THEY WERE STILL PLAYING THE SAME BLOODY GAME ! My god people.
More than an hour to play one uno game. Hahahha..

I slept like a rock the whole night and woke up to super windy weather. Sedap for sleep.
But not for balik la. The bumboat ride was crazy and i nearly puked out of it.
I've never been seasick before and that was a first. Damn choppy waters. O_O
And when i got back, i hung out with ayu practically the whole day and just home.

LOL.

The past few weekends i've been spending too much time flying away bro.
Zirca/Rebel, Butter, Supper. Every single place had something for me to remb.
I have to say this sia. SUPPERCLUB WAS THE FUCKING SEX. Awesome shit.
Exactly like the one i went in bkk and the music was just too damn good. Heh.

Got many2 activities i've done but lazy to update now cause i feel like fucking puking.
Shit, gtg.

Nights!

2010-07-16T00:47:00.003+08:00

Its amazing how the person whom you thought you knew so well would disappoint you in so many countless ways that you could have ever imagined. I am completely stunned right now. I honestly did not expect that from you, of all people.

And the only thought you would have in your head now after processing that fact is,

"who the hell is this stranger? did i even know them at all?"

Why was there a need to be so childish ?
I wasnt making life difficult for you in ANY way.
I led my life as i should be, and i'm happy.

So, i'm asking this again. Is it necessary ?
You tell me.

2010-07-05T22:49:00.003+08:00

Monday went surprisingly well without any mishaps so i'm off to a good start to the week.
Well, at least i hope so. Ah shoots, i'd better not forget my file or i'm screwed for lessons.
I've been asked to attend language classes every tuesday and i'm pretty pysched for it.
Just kinda nervous though, like what the hell am i doing here kinda feeling at times. O_O

Anyways, im gonna be good and stay home this entire week since im so flat broke right now.

Weekends was again well spent with the FLY people where we were karaoke-ing.
Hahahha.. With the damn mic stand plus dancing our asses off in there to the club songs.
It must have been the satay. Overdose. But damn, my feets are itching to dance again.
Watched Eclipse & the spain match plus sending off fiq to camp with Ayam Penyet dinner.

I just shortcut the entry cause im too lazy and i cant wait to get back to tumblr. Ooops.

Last but not least...

VIVA LA ESPANYOL !

=D

2010-06-28T01:07:00.002+08:00

LAST LAST ENTRY, PROMISE.

Hahaha. I'm still having the MAE fever too. I miss dave & the guys so much!
It was so good to see them here, reunited for the first time. Lucky us or what!
And they sound so good live plus their acoustic was a killer, my sunday was made.
Even though it reminded me of some stuffs that i didnt wanna be reminded of...
Well, i'm somewhat glad that things turned out the way it did & that i saw for myself.
Painful memories but thats exactly the reason why i'm doing the things i'm doing now.

And i cant stop listening to Tisbury Lane. Its been playing over and over in my head.
I fell in love with song again, after they played it at the upclose session. woah.
Just simply breathtaking. The song really means alot to me so i guess, yeah.

Erm, this is random but i cant get alejandro out of my head, you know why.
Heh.

Yes, i am your Gaga.
=)))

2010-06-28T00:59:00.003+08:00

Ok, i have a really bad blocked nose & sore throat plus feeling feverish from friday.
Luckily yesterday never fly too much, if not i fly til i die today broooo. Hahahha.

How i wish mondays never existed, now i have to go to work. And i need to sleep.
Like, NOW.

Stop texting me la bodo, if not how i want to sleep! Tsk.

2010-06-28T00:56:00.002+08:00

And now....... i've fallen in love with you bodo!

How to solve this mess sia ?

2010-06-28T00:43:00.002+08:00

I've finally had it with you and therefore, the ignorance starts. For good.
If you cant bloody hell act like an adult, then i wont treat you like one.
Simple as that. Anyways, i'm very happy with the way my life is right now.
Not my loss, thats for sure, no matter how highly you may think of yourself.

Favour eh please. Grow up. I'd really appreciate it, thanks.

Ooooh, its mai's and my cuzzie's birthday today. =)))

Friday was out with the sibs and yana. I really like that girl, she's so sweet.
I'm happy for my brother though i hardly see him these days. =)))

Saturday was powercrusing at a fucking packed place with the fly people,
Where i met my uncle which was really weird but he didnt really see me.
Think he fly liao. Hahaha. So we escaped to C1 which was SO much better.
And i is missing mr popsicles so bad! Bacin he, go overseas last minute. Tsk.

Today was out with the fly people again for our sunday sending off & stuffs.
Weekend was ok ok but yeah, it was fun & i cant wait for next week liao.

Nights nights!

2010-06-09T23:33:00.002+08:00

The page you are currently visiting is temporarily being neglected.
Sorry blogger, but i am fully addicted to tumblr now.

Bye!

2010-06-08T21:59:00.001+08:00

I really miss you so fucking bad.

2010-06-04T01:46:00.003+08:00

TWELVE fucking long years and i finally, FINALLY get to meet Sheila On 7.
It was one of the best fucking moments i've ever had.
Duta was my first love. And i got a picture with him!
I was starstruck that i really blanked out on what i wanted to say.

But still, i am one super happy babe !

Plus on top of everything else, i caught rian d'masiv's tee that he threw.
It smells surprising so fucking good. I wanted Eross's guitar pick but missed.
Shucks.

Both bands were awesome.
But its So7 will always be my undying love, period.
*grins*

Dinner with the flyers earlier today was just as awesome.
Time flies when im with them cause we're always laughing.
Some good food over at Sultan's plus endless deals & starbucks.
It was a good night indeed.

Cheers.
=)))

2010-06-01T20:03:00.003+08:00

Its weird how everytime i pick up my phone and he happens to text.
Hmmmm. Its like i can tell hes gonna text me. Oh wells, coincidence?
I guess so.

Aww shucks, i'm still in super holiday mood right now.
Been a lazy, lazy week and its only tuesday. Goodness.

I'm intending to stay home this week cept for thursday.
Dinner with the girls + shafiq before she flies off and him, to the academy.
LOL.

I'm so fucking broke sia that i wish by some damn miracle, money drops from the sky.
Ok, yeah right. I wish.

2010-05-31T00:44:00.002+08:00

I swear having coffee on sunday nights is a really really bad idea.
But what the hell, i keep repeating it anyways. Hahahha.. Dont ask why.

The long weekend has finally come to an end but i'm in my holiday mood still.
I think i've had a crazy weekend with such irregular sleep that if i keep this up,
My bodyclock is gonna go completely haywire. Not saying that it isnt already is.
Hahhahah..

I finally made a trip down to visit Pulau Ubin last friday, with a random group of ppl.
I had so much fun and best part is, we didnt have any problems clicking with each other.
The original group of ppl that was supposed to go last minute cancelled on us, which sucks.
But managed to gather another group and there was like... 9 of us in total ? Ok, maybe 8.
Since fadhil left due to his eye infection. Cant possibly cycle when you cant see nuts!

We reached around noon and went around the place for about a good 5 1/2 hrs sia.
Fucking tired at the end of the day but the trip was definitely worth it! Hee.
After that, most of us split ways but me, qie and ayu headed to the airport for dinner.
Seoul Garden Hot Pot was on the menu and it was so fucking sedap la, tak bedek!

O_O

We chilled at the Aviation Gallery later on and of course had our monopoly deal.
We were pretty stoned out but i have to say that the gallery was super damn cool.
Left the airport at 11 with the intention of home and then had last minute change of plans.
Instead of home, met skipper over at Lau Pa Sat for supper since was hungry.

So, we chilled till about 4 over at Clifford Pier with me kicking his ass at deal.
Muahahah.. Something was kinda different that night. Hmm, alot of difference actually.
But i shall not comment further. Reached home at about 4 ish and i couldnt sleep.
Another crazy thing happened and i ended up at the airport at 6 freaking am.

Hahaha..

So, i didnt sleep for a good 24 hours and i fell flat sia when i reached home at 10 ish.
O_O

I intended to stay home since i had no plans and my phone was completely silent.
Til i decided to check on mr popsicles and found out the outcome of the situation.
Met him by the riverbanks at about 11 ish and he looked so damn shagged.
Tried to cheer him up and we ended up going karaoke, since he felt like it.

You know karaoke always helps me to cure my frust tonggeng without fail.
So there he was singing his heart out and for once, i was embarassed to sing.
When he sang "Me & Mrs Jones", i was a goner. Completely swooned. Woah.
The session ended at about 4 and he still wasnt ready to be back home so we chilled.

Finally, when the birds started chirping at 6am, we decided to move off.
Not surprising, i slept dead the whole of sunday until skipper called me later in the noon.
Thats two nights in a row i didnt sleep and caught up during the day.
Oh, met the bugger for dinner and again, our games.

I swear hes addicted. All thanks to me.. Muahhaha.

I still cant fucking sleep. Its a good thing i wont be in the office tmr.
And that the government is still not back from her holiday. Hahaha..

Nights y'all.

2010-05-24T22:07:00.003+08:00

Well, i finally gave it up and went on ahead to meet the bugger yesterday.
How can i say no to that tone of voice that was asking if we were still meeting ?
Hahhaha.. yeah.

Upon reaching destination at abt 7 and 2hrs late, i texted to ask where he was.
And all i got a blank reply. Then a phonecall shortly after:

Skipper: Mort, where are you ? I have to go home seh. Some family thing.
Mort: *In a nonchalant tone* Uh okay then.
Skipper: But.... my mom says you can meet me at Pastamania now, bye!
Mort: -______________________-".

Afterwards, at RSH, when we were checking out running shoes & skate shoes for sale:

*Dammit is playing in the background and i start to sing along*

Skipper: Mort, do you know who sings this song ?
Mort: *Pondering if its a trick question but answers him anyway* Yeah, its blink. Why ?
Skipper: So why dont you let them do the singing ?
Mort: -_______________________________-" + smacks a shoe on his forearm!

URGH. IDIOT.

And then we went to Toy R Us to check out some Transformers stuffs on sale as well.
We somewhat ended up chasing each other all around the store with a basketball in hand.
Its like dodgeball for really really old ppl, considering how im 24 and he's 28 and we're there.
In a KIDS store. Which probably makes us like a 112 and 124 in the kids calendar. O_O

Managed to smack each other a couple of times before running out the store breathless.
Fuck, that was prolly one of the most fun, childish things that ive done in the longest time!

Hahahahha...

We continued arcading with our normal basketball challenge, which i won, yay me!
Mario Kart was next and of course im the driving maniac, hehehehehehehhe.

We moved on to more food cause we were both still starving, even after pasta.
Settled for doughnuts and hung out at Starbucks where i introduced Monopoly Deal.
I think i may have gotten him addicted. We played rounds after rounds for a good hr or so.
Erm, we finished 3 venti drinks? Cannot blame hor. Weather so damn freaking humid sia!

We had a hell of a time trying to outsmart each other and stamping our feets when we lost.
Well, at least i did! Its not fair what. I teach you but i keep losing after that! Pfffft.
And when he puts on the fucked up "property typhoon" face. Mintak kene lempang only.

Hahhaha..

All in all, i really had a great night.
I really missed hanging with you, you ass.
And yesterday reminded me just why.

=)))

2010-05-23T05:55:00.002+08:00

Tsk.

I am currently addicted to tumblr.
I can't seem to stop posting random stuffs there.
Can't be helped, they have so many images that i love to just reblog.
Pretty cool stuff, once you get the hang of it.

I'm still very wide awake and am completely starving right now.
I'm wishing for some Macdonalds breakfast but too lazy to get it.
Yes, yes. Very typical of me, i know. Plain lazy.

Just got back from Changi with the fam at about 3am.
I'd been home the whole of saturday plus friday night.
I had plans, but just didnt feel like following through.
So i pretty much ignored the texts that i got when they're associated with plans.
Sorry my dear friends, i'm just not feeling very sociable right now.

I did enjoy the family banterings and busu was there which made it all better.
I really missed him so it was nice to see him there and of course to tease him.
Hahahha.. it was really nice to just talk and watch the incoming planes.
Mr popsicles was updating me which flights were landing and their sequence.
All the aircrafts that were under his control and its was just effin cool la!

He made me all excited sendiri checking out the planes with my sister.
And i can see the tower from where we were mini-picnicking at. =)))

After awhile of hanging out, he decided to come down and meet me at changi v.
Seems that he was tensed up and preoccupied and so i got him to spill whats on his mind.
Hope that it kinda cheered him up. I know it really doesnt make any sense whats goin on.
But he's the only one that can read me like an open book and i really love that.

The fact that he notices the little little things about my hair and my nails and whatnots.
The way he pampers me always and lets me sleep on his shoulder without any complains.
The way he hugs me tight and how extremely alert he is to my mood swings all the time.
The way that he teases me like mad and try to make me feel so annoyed but doesnt work.
The way he tells me random new stuffs that i dont know and keeps me intrigued.

And i think its that insanely cute crooked smile of yours that got me hooked.
I know you wont be here forever so i'm gonna make the best out of it while i can.

So yeah, i'll think about everything else later.
Oh crap, i'm still starving.

Time to sleep it off.
Its 0620 already.

Feels like i'm heading to work.
LOL.

2010-05-21T01:48:00.002+08:00

The conversations are gettin alot more frequent and the banterings..
Its like nothing happened between us. Thats how good things were.
Well, to me it was, at least. He doesnt text but calls often these days.
Sometimes to tell me the most randomest things and just annoy me.

Thats what i love about him.
=)

We were talking about the trip, yet again and then he said these words:
"It was the best five fucking days of my life."

I couldnt agree more, skipper.

I feel so tempted.... Hahahah..
Dont ask me what im tempted to do.
Cause i aint telling.

Finally, sleep time.
Its 0155hours liao.

O_O

2010-05-21T01:06:00.003+08:00

You're damn selfish and you know it.
But what do i care ? Or what i can do abt it ?
Nothing. So, i really cant be bothered with you.
Tsk.

Anyways, my appraisal fucking sucks, which comes as no surprise.
I dont hate my job but i swear i fucking hate the on-going politics.
Like for fuck's sake, why fucking care so much about my issues ?
Do you get paid more to spy on me, or to suck up to the bitch eh ?
Yeah, whatever.

Its been four fucking years in the company and i STILL dont fucking care.
Still dont get it til now ? Thats your own fucking problem. I'll do what i want!
How about just fucking off, and minding your own business for once eh ?
Put your damn time to a much productive use.

See la, this entry is so fucked up thanks to the horrible day i had at work.

The thing i'm most glad about was yest's The Backup Plan and Shrek today.
J Lo was fucking absolutely gorgeous and Puss In Boots was effin cute!!!!
Omg, i was practically purring away at the screen. I'm a sucker for cats.
Gosh. And it was funny, both the movies and i enjoyed it very much.

And ouh yeah, alex o'loughlin is oh-so-fuckin-mad-hot i tell ya. *drools*
Okay i sound like some overly horny teenager, ahahahhaha.

One last thing, i'm damn addicted to monopoly deal !
Fuck, i just played it last night and i bought my own to play today.
Hehehehe, thats how bad it is sia. Yesterday was with qie, ayu and ad.
Today i dragged the dengs out and i think i might have them hooked too.

Muahahhaha..

I think we might have another session this coming saturday.
Hahhaa.. Gonna save me alot of cash compared to going out aimlessly.
=P

Shit, the migraines still as bad.
Better sleep soon.

Nights!

2010-05-18T22:49:00.003+08:00

Just a random post.

Goaltv's showing Gerrard: A Decade of Goals and i am smiling ridiculously to myself.
I am a DIE-HARD Liverpool fan since i was a wee little kid and he is my absolute idol.
Brilliant, brilliant goals over the years and mad hot skills, damn i heart this skipper of mine!

I fell in love with Stevie G then, am still in love now and will forever be in love with him !!!
Hee.

=D

Ok, dah. Nak sleep.
Nights!

2010-05-18T02:59:00.004+08:00

Its almost 3 fucking am and i dont know why im still awake.
Its not cause its heaty or humid or whatsoever but.. dunno leh ?
Hahhaha.. Anyways im right under the fan in my room so its all good yo!
Oh, i was uploading some pictures up on fb and then talked to skipper abit.
=)))

I was also thinking alot about some stuffs thats been going on with me.
The work opportunity that just came up which i think is awesome.
It might just change my life! But the thought of being away for so long..
Hmmm, maybe thats exactly what i need right now. Another fresh start.

Since someones leaving me for 3 whole months, booohooohooo.
=(

I'm not gonna fret about that til the time comes so... yeah.
What im looking forward to is the next loooongggg weekend though.
I took the saturday off and imma put it to good use. With what though?
Thats one thing im not gonna share, just yet. Dont wanna jinx it.

To share about my weekends..... =D

Friday was spent with my loves, besties of a decade. Both looking so gorgeous.
Decided to meet up for Liza's xxth birthday dinner. F.I.S.H was on the menu.
We caught about whats going on with our lives with being engaged and whatnots.
Plus of course the ESSENTIAL gossip about our secondary school mates.
Hahahha.. Lepak. That one is a must have at every single meetup.

Dessert was Ben & Jerrys and i loved every minute i spent with them.
I love you babes so much! *hugs*

Saturday, i stoned my way through work cause i was extremely tired.
Got home and crashed dead til about 6pm then decided to meet my cousin.
Since shes got the tendency of being home alone alot these days, i wonder why.
LOL.

Decided to head to town to meet abg khairie who had plans to meet norman who was meeting brian for dinner and then asrul called to ask whats plans and, TA-DA !!!

It became an unexpected company of 6!
Happening or what sia. Its so good to see them all!

Line of the night was:

Kau nak main gila ? Kau nak main gila dgn aku ?
Kau nak main gilaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa dgn aku ?
*starts pulling each other hair out*

HAHAHAHHAHAH.

Fuckin funny or what sia. Go karaoke to melalak our hearts out after dinner.
Laugh laugh laugh jer, mane tak cepat naik badan. Ehehehehhe.

I met skipper, wait, more like saw him across the street,
Then we were grinning away at each other. Its been too long.
=P

Anws, we finished the session at abt 3 and went to meet mr popsicles by the riverbanks.
At our usual spot of course, and hung out til about 5 til he was like super dead shagged.
And i was starving like hell so i needed to sleep it off, and back home i go lor.
If not, my face always lepak with him til the sun comes out and we're still talking away.
Tsk.

Woke up at around noon on sunday & went ice-skating!!!
Like finally, for the first time in my 23 yrs of life, i went.
Eheheheh. Scary at first but once you get the hang of it, its damn fun.
I hurt myself in the process but thats okay, never felt happier.

Plus i get to have my Sakae Teppanyaki afterwards!!!
Pure syiokness, i tell ya. I died and gone to Jap heaven!!

Really!! Hahahah..

I love love love my weekends.
Pure blissful randomness. Hehehe..

And skipper, no more kite-flying at 4am la please.
Where got angin one, many nyamok have la. So gendeng one.
Hahhahah..

Nights all.
Timecheck: 0318hrs.
=)

2010-05-15T18:35:00.002+08:00

I saw the most AMAZING greyish blue skies this morning when i reached work.
I wish i had my camera with me so i could have captured it.
Then again, even a camera couldnt have captured the actual beauty of it.
I wish i had my sketch book too. God knows how long its been since i last sketched.
Well, i've got a thing for the clouds and the skies. Heh.

Oh well, just had to blog about it since i cant get it outta my head.
The skies paint beautiful pictures, thats all i can say.
=)

2010-05-13T20:46:00.002+08:00

And the conversation goes like this:

Skipper: lady gaga masok islam, dia tukar nama.
Mort: *plays along* what is it ?
Skipper: aniGAGA sarawak.
Mort: HAHAHHAHA. Jgn merepek!! I knew it!
Skipper: Blond mah.

I can just imagine the straight face he would put on before seeing me burst out laughing,
And then breaking out into that killer grin of his.

Your lame jokes always make my day.

You idiot.
=P

2010-05-13T01:40:00.003+08:00

I CANT SLEEP !!!

Damn the humid weather, even after a COLD shower, i'm still sweating.
TSK.

How i wish i was in Surfers right now, enjoying the cool night breeze.
Plus enjoying the damn gorgeous view from my balcony.
Can you take me back to that moment please ? Sighhh.

Bought a new pair of Vans today which i cant help admiring til now.
My old pair are so used, you can see holes at the back of the soles!
Hahahha, thats how much i loved my shoes. =)))
Then again, i'm a shoe fanatic, its about time i re-collect them.

I wanted to talk about my weekend and ill keep it super short and sweet.
OR, at least try to. Cause i got this habit of dragging things on without realizing it.
Like now.

LOL.

Nights @ Z's been great. Lotsa dancing and oh how i miss it.
FLG was fucking awesome, i'm so effin glad that i went!

Saturday was spent WII-ing my afternoon away at my cousin's.
Glorious food and fantastic company, i couldnt ask for more!
*Wahaghagajjgajgjagagaa - Dances like a crazy rabbid*
And also kicking some guitar ass, up in Band Hero. I rock, yes thank you.

Hahhahahah.

Left around evening to go celebrate milah's 23rd birthday with a whole lotta singing!
Bad singing of mine, at that. Kekekekke.. Hope she liked it even though wasnt much.
Had supper with Nur & Aifi over at Al-Ameen to catch up cause its been too long.
I miss some of them too but what the hell, things wont ever be the same again.
Thanks to a few motherfucking idiots. My blood boils when i think about them.

Ok, enough.

Sunday was mother's day. I love my mommy. Awww.
Even though i swear she could kill me with her nagging.
I lazed around cousin's til the fam came over and we all had seafood.
Yeays. Hope they liked the treat.

=)))

Monday, Tuesday: I good gegerl.
Muahahahha.

One last thing, i hate to admit it but that one unexpected phonecall made my day.
I f'n hate you la for being able to make me laugh so hard for damn 10 mins straight.
I forgot how pissed i was at you, at the same time remembered how much i missed you.
You're annoying and you drive me mad but you fit exactly what i'm missing in my life.

So thank you nonetheless for being an ass, skipper.

Well, good night all.
=)

2010-05-06T22:29:00.003+08:00

I can explain the emo-ness!
Its nearing THAT time of the month la~
Hahaha.. Okay, excuses i know.
What to do, i can be so full of emo shit sometimes.

=P

Well, i'm abit cheery on this thursday night cause the whole weeks been great!
Can't believe its already gonna be friday la tmr! Awesomeeeeee.

To cut short the week, its been a complete food fest since monday.

Let us all drool together :

Monday - Charco's The Flaming Chicken in AMK.
Tuesday - Pepper Lunch at JP.
Wednesday - Nasi Ayam Penyet way over at Changi V.
Thursday - Korean beef bbq at CCK.

Hehehehehe.. i is one very happy babe cause they were all delicious!
=)))

Have got some plans for the weekend and hope it works out.
For now, i need to go catch up on some sleep.

I got a little paranoid after reading the fact that ppl who sleep less than 6 hrs everyday,
Has a higher risk of dying prematurely. O_O

Hahhaha.. silly thing i know but what the hell.
Nights nights!